Qualit-I not quantit-I

I hear that the best way to blog success is to 'update' every day. Oh dear. I see I am going to have to buck up my ideas. Or 'idears', as I am always hearing people say, as well as 'Chicargo'. I am baffled by this. I was at a clothes party thing a while back and the woman hosting it kept talking about 'kharki'. I grew up with a girl whose mother had her own version of this foible; she would lean out of the car window on long journeys and shout; 'It's not far nar!' Or having cleaned the bathroom, in heels, I might add, would forbid entry thus: You're not having a shower nar!'

I see I have digressed, as I do. I had a boyfriend who referred to it as 'Ronnie Corbetting'. Do you remember that part of The Two Ronnies no-one liked, when Ronnie C sat in the green stripey chair, tout miniscule, and told a rambling story with many tangents? He was the only person who found it funny, how his tiny shoulders would shake. I used to think it was a good test of character if you hated that part of the show; in the same way, I am not confident about getting on with people who would wear Britney Spears' perfume or appreciate the sound of bagpipes.

So, back to the point, much as one loves the sound of one's own voice, could one blog daily? I'm reminded of early episodes of Friends, when Joey moved out of the apartment with Chandler to be alone with his thoughts and later remarked ;'Turns out, I don't have that many thoughts'. Now, I may have many a feverish scribbling in a floral notebook but, having my generation's respect for the written word, I wouldn't publish them in their undercooked state. Speaking of which, it appears I could update daily re Fifteens; there was more talk of them at the weekend. Seemingly I misunderstood the 'recipe', it all seemed to turn on fifteen cherries and fifteen marshmallows etc. That is, a formula so moronic, it must have been developped as part of an Occupational Therapy programme. I could also complain online every time I go to the gym. Last night's Zumba class featured several individuals clad in headbands, cropped leggings and legwarmers. You needn't bother picturing Olivia in her Let's Get Physical heyday; think Acorn Antiques when it briefly became a leisure centre and the cast wore leotards like sausage casings.

Of course, I shouldn't concern myself, you can put any old thing online these days. Take my trawlings-if you type in a query, you may well be directed to some sort of dubious exchange between the uninitiated, on whatever the subject might be, in semi-evolved literacy skills. These types are fond of a good scrap; 'Your (sic) wrong, Gaga say's (sic) what we wanna(sic) here(sic)' Ok, I made that up, based on what I have seen on less interesting subjects. I would never do any sort of Gaga research, the very sight of her makes me grind my teeth. I had to wear a gumshield to watch the Grammys.

My search on Youtube ,for extracts of the West End musical Wicked ,turned out to be very illuminating, but not in a good way. Some fella had filmed it apparently during a bout of delirium tremens and failed to notice he was focused (when he was in focus) on the back of a girl's head for a large part of the opening. He wasn't shy about having a good clap with device in hand either or perhaps he fell over, either way, motion sickness immediately set in for me. Some entries turned out to be two or three still photographs, with a song simply selected from the soundtrack and played over the top. My favourite, though, purported to be a proper clip but turned out to be a bloke singing 'Defying Gravity' quite tunelessly, to a sort of karaoke version of the accompanying music. He was somewhat under-rehearsed and since he could be seen at the end with a towel turban on his head,giggling, I felt he had made insufficient effort with his costume.

Gwyneth Paltrow is taking over the net too. She has her own profoudly annoying website called Goop, in which she tries to be what Americans call 'relatable' by sharing her experiences trying on Oscar dresses and trying to drop a few pounds by eating locally-produced, organic, macrobiotic, vegan..I don't know..dust? Should really cheer up those of us with freezers full of food purchased after a long lurk at the reduced-for-sale-today cabinet. Next thing, Gwynnie is photographed extensively on holiday, in several bikinis without any kind of what real women call 'support'. Now she is singing. On Glee, at the Grammys and at the Oscars. I cannot wait for her next film, Country Strong, in which I believe she plays a 'washed-up', alcoholic singer, looking for all the world as glowing as the Timotei girl. She can hold a tune alright but actually has an unpleasant nasal voice-I have listened closely on Youtube. I do not see why she cannot stick to what she is good at-acting. But let's face it, she will probably be bringing out a 'fragrance' any minute.

So I am away to record myself, having a crack at a bit of Adele in the bath. She calls her albums after her current age. So I will put it online under the title '46 ' and see how it goes down. I expect many 'hits', electronically or,you know, by cars.