Hello HenrI

I always think Christmas is a time of intense small talk- the work do, the shopping, the spectacular illness; boke is all around. People are allowed to ask you all about these and in public but no one listens to the answers. You must get it over quickly by replying 'Lovely' or 'Quiet', when everyone knows this is made up. No-one I want to know experiences lovely quiet at Christmas. The truth is thinly disguised rage, gluttonous ennui and, if accounts of the Norovirus are to be believed, projectile diarrhoea.You sometimes find yourself idly hoping it will strike,to halt your transformation into Henry VIII on his sofa. Thank God it's all over and the Mini Eggs are out.
Mind you, Funny Robert from my tennis 'set' I believe I will call them,always has a decent story, my own Fun Bobby,whose argyle twinsets alone distinguish him, never mind the Bentley and the Mrs Rochester style ex-wife. Funny Robert 'does Santa' and this year reports that when he asked one wee boy his name, the child replied indignantly;'Sure, I told you last week in Castle Court!' I laughed somewhat grimly,fearing I might one day feel the need to crush such spirit in my classroom.
There are fantastic names at tennis, the sort you just don't get any more: Hill, Wilson, Cavan and an actual Maris. Frasier fans will appreciate the thrill of this. This Maris is spectacularly thin, grand and immaculate, much like Niles'. I was transfixed the first time I played her in a festive tournament. I'd never seen anyone play in tights under shorts,with a chignon tucked into a visor and a waist-height ball holder. I've always longed for a chignon after a childhood spent admiring Margot Fonteyn. But no, my christmas haircolour was tweaked to be what is, in hairdressing terms, 'warm' but to the naked eye ( full of tears) 'orange'. Maris was regally bejewelled and smiling winningly throughout. She did bloody win too,kicked my ass all over the court without ever running or sweating through her Toasted Bisque base. I realised my hair wasn't up to snuff, leave alone my game and limped off,purple- faced with ginger frizz, very much like the younger Henry, come to think of it.